Ten Reasons Why Oswald Did It

One: Oswald was a conversation killer. In this exchange he proves it.

Two: He skipped school to go to the zoo. Take note, animal lovers.

Three: He enjoyed finer things. Again, PJM tells us so. When he visited Marina at Elena Hall’s house, he was thrilled that the icebox was full. He even laid down on the bed.

Four: He drank lemonade in a bar. It’s true. Look here. Orest Pena tells us so.

What kind of a nut job doesn’t drink Dos Equis?

Five: He didn’t understand the point of Animal Farm. At least that is what Gus Russo and Wesley Liebler led us to believe. Well, maybe Oswald did understand the point of Animal Farm but was only giving his fellow Marine, Nelson Delgado, a short synopsis of the anatomical plot points. Here is what Nelson Delado had to say.

As you can see, it was Wesley Liebler who made the conclusion that LHO did not understand the point of Animal Farm. It would be difficult to believe that LHO couldn’t figure out what Animal Farm was all about. A 12-year-old could figure it out.

Six: Oswald made mistakes in punctuation. OMG, Oswald forgot to put a comma in the right place. Clearly he did it then.

Seven: He went home at night, sequestered himself in his room and read books.

Eight: He didn’t finish high school. Neither did Thomas Edison. He was homeschooled by his mother. Oswald without the benefit of a great mother taught himself, like that other well-known autodidact and sometime murderer – Abe Lincoln.

Nine: He wouldn’t let Marina learn English. I suppose that’s why they hooked up with Ruth Paine, who was looking to improve her Russian. She and Marina hooked up so that Ruth could improve her Russian while Marina improved her English. Buddying up with a counterpart is a well known technique in language acquisition. Since Lee was opposed to Marina learning English, I suppose that’s why he broke off his friendship with George D. who loaned Marina records to improve her English.

Finally, my favorite …

Ten: Oswald was a premature ejaculator. Patricia Johnson McMillan wrote so in her book, Marina and Lee. Well, that does it for me. I’m sold. He had to have killed the President. Hey, world, look here, Oswald was a premature ejaculator.

How about a bonus?

Bonus: He didn’t say “Thank You” enough. This is from Alex Kleinlerer’s unquestioned affidavit.

Perhaps Oswald, being treated so poorly in life by his mother, was appreciative but did not know how to express positive emotions of gratefulness.

Copyright 2022 Archer Crosley All Rights Reserved

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